I think every single human being has their moments when they have no confidence, or have doubts or insecurities about what they’re doing/going to do with their lives. I’ve doubted myself many times! Those who know me from the “outside” may not get that perception from me ’cause I present myself very confident, and I am confident. But at the same time I am my worst enemy (as it is in most cases). The people who know me close, intimate, know my struggles, my self-doubt. Now don’t misunderstand- this is not a pity party!! What I’m trying to get at is that at some point or various moments in your life it’s normal to have doubts, to question yourself. It’s ok. The important thing is what we do when these doubts and insecurities come. Do you dwell on it and allow them to hold you back, or do you rise above it and prove it wrong?
For some reason I always like to prove people wrong (no, not in arguing about meaningless stuff, or trying to be always right- though I usually am! jajaja Just Kidding!!). I like to prove myself wrong when I think I can’t do something, and others when they tell me I can’t achieve something.
When I first started college I was at an art school. The dynamic in this school is that first year students all take basic art and then apply into their major (in my case graphic design). Now me, I’m not much of a traditional artist- I like to draw a little bit, but it’s not my expertise! I was very excited to apply to my major and get started in what I really liked. Before you apply to your major you had to go to a sort of conference/orientation where they explain how to prepare your portfolio in order to apply to your major. I will never forget the words spoken by the professor giving the orientation, he said:
“If you don’t get accepted to your mayor it’s because you don’t have what it takes.”
At that particular moment I didn’t give it much thought. I was confident. I knew what I wanted to do and nothing was stopping me. That is until the day I got THE letter. I was told that I wasn’t accepted into my major. All I could go back to was the words spoken by that professor “you don’t have what it takes.” All these thoughts started bombarding my head, “you’re not good enough,” “you have no talent,” “you’re a failure,” “you can’t reach your dreams,” “you’ll never make it,” and so on, and so on. I can’t express to you how horrible that moment was. I felt like all my dreams, my goals, my hopes were shattered into a million pieces. I felt lost. I had no confidence. What was I going to do now? Change careers? At that moment you have two choices. You either choose to dwell on it, make a pity party, decide that it’s true and let it define you… or you can prove them wrong! You can rise above the negativity, the put downs and be the best you can be. Reach your dreams and goals! That’s what I did.
Now, I won’t tell you that it was “peaches and cream” and “they all lived happily ever after”. It’s not that easy! The seed of doubt has already been planted, and it’ll be something that will haunt you, but it’s your decision what to do with it. I knew what I wanted to study…I didn’t change careers. I went to another university in pursue of my dreams. To make a long story short, I made it. “They” said I wasn’t good enough; that I didn’t have what it takes. That’s why I got recruited and offered my dream job on my last day of class. What an amazing feeling!! Sometimes I wish I could meet that professor again, with my BA and MA degrees and just say: “in your face!! I do have what it takes!” jajaja that would be priceless! But I won’t. The most important person I had to prove wrong was myself.
Now I still have days when the doubt tries to creep in and ruin things. It’s your choice. Choose to rise above it! I love how Babe Ruth said it:
“You just can’t beat the person who doesn’t give up.”
There are still other areas in my life that I have to work with my doubts and questions. This is a daily process. Every day I choose to have more confidence, to trust God, to have faith, to reach my dreams and goals. Choose to hope, choose to dream, choose to never give up!